Negative zero: a poem about fear

November 11, 2016

I look for pennies from heaven
when my spirit’s balance is low.
signs of secret treasures
that reveal themselves
even on roads that are paved
with the dirt of depression.

my hands have been
held to the sky,
cupping air like money,
trying to fill my lungs
with the wealth of the world
so that every time I breathe,
I am forced to believe
that my ability to exhale
has value,
my veins are my lifeline,
my skin is thick enough
to withstand the highs and lows
of a blood red overflow.

but when I am in debt to fear,
it takes the form of a cockroach,
crawling on that same skin,
with antennas plugged in
to the spiraling deficit
of my mind.

and when I am in debt to fear,
it takes the form of a stock market crash –
my self worth plunges
to a place with no turning back.

And when I am in debt to fear,
even the sun is flawed
because it can be dimmed,
defined by its shortage of light.